Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/rhod rhod_20130223-1959a.mp3

Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week I'm in a studio in Rome with Eggsy from Goldie Lookin Chain.

Wales take on, uh, Italy in six nations in Italy, today in Rome ... that's about six nations, Wales, of course, having, uh ... a bit of a ... well, winning streak of one, you might say ... having defeated France. Uh, a brave, a brave win, uh, in France a couple of weeks ago, and, ... Sorry. I'm a bit distracted here because Sherif Showen, our lovely producer has come out to Rome with Eggsy, __ twiddling knobs and buttons ... Is everything OK? / Yeah. Almost. / Almost? We are almost OK, everybody. That's, uh ... that is good to hear, 20 minutes into the show, that we are almost there. Technical stuff has almost been sorted. To be fair, ...... producer. We didn't get in to this tiny little room, that we are broadcasting from, until 3 minutes before the show started. So, that's the kind of, uh ... that is the kind of urgency ... put things together here ... And what a job we've done! The BBC Wales are really excel themselves. Eggsy, describe to the listeners back home just, I mean, basically when you send people out like this, send people to capture the atomospere and soak it all up. Would you describe the place we are in, for those who's just joined us. / Yeah. Essentially it's a shed with a picture of ... / "A shed" is a very good way to describe it. / It is a shed. There're two microphones, uh, a few electric wires, uh, and a giant picture of the colosseum behind me to create the illusion that we are somehow, um, absorbing some form of culture. / I'm finding it's helping a little bit when I... / Well, every time you look at me, you can see the colosseum behind me. / I can see the coloceum behind you. You do look ... as if, you know, it's different. It is different. / I'm like ... I'm very much / something of the atomosphere into this show, I would say. / I'm Paul Daniels in many ways. I'm creating an illusion that you are enjoying. / you are like Paul Daniels in many ways. / in many ways / sometimes actually. In fact, I've got a list in my pocket of ways that Eggzy resembles Paul Danielz. ... go through it? / OK, yeah. Ho ho. / I'm doing in the second half of the show. / OK. / ... so / listeners to look forward to. We are stuck miles from the game, miles from the stadium, miles from the fans. I imagine they are out there now. I can imagine the atomosphere for you back home. I just can't bring it to you, with any kind of accuracy, ladies and gentlemen. I imagine, out on the streets of Rome, the streets are flooded with wild supporters / apart from / But imagine it's flooded with wild supporters, probably singing, the pubs are busy, people spilling out onto the streets, singing Welsh rugby songs / It's absolutely wonderful by all accounts / I imagine. We are imagining this because we are stuck in a windowless box with a picture of the colosseum behind us. We will endevour to bring, ... I don't know how we would quite / Uh, but listen, we've ... you know, send us your omens for the match if you are into the rugby, ... England - France today as well. / OK. / later on. / I have very limited sporting knowledge. I wanted to learn about sports. / bring us up to date on what / I'd love to know what's going on / That's why I came. That's why I came. I wanted to learn. / So, basically, Radio Wales ... not only have they put me in a windowless box, miles from the action, miles from the fans, miles from the atomosphere with one picture of colosseum, ... also they ... co-host who knows nothing about rugby / nothing about rugby / part of the problem is A:,... several problems. A: We don't know much about rugby. / Yeah. / B: We've been sent out to Rome ... little windowless shed, miles from anywhere / It is an iron lung. / And C: ... thing ... we went out last night and, um ... well, I ... we were looking for guests. / Yes. We... / That's the way we sell this. / Yeah, imagine, we were like night club reps, trying to get people to come to the club. / Yeah. We wondered ... streets of Rome, going from pub to pub, trying to find people willing to come on the show today, like guests, fans __ bring their incisive analysis to the show. They can talk about the match ... bring something / of the atomosphere. By half past four in the morning / sort of, started / I got an English bloke. / You did meet an English bloke who said he may come along? / He said he may come along. He hasn't turned up. So, uh ... / Did you get ... address? / Yeah, I did, yeah. I gave my address. I gave my own personal telephone number, I said, I said, you know, "Ring this number. Come to the show". / Yeah? / And, shortly after I gave ... / personal / What is his name? / I can't remember. No memory. / Well, this is exciting, ladies and gentlemen. / pretty kind of / This is exciting, ladies and gentlemen. So we may have an English bloke, later in the show. We can't promise anything. Let's not promise it, because people will, ... / Yeah, I don't want to build anyone's hopes. Uh, you know, once ... once you've been put in an iron lung, you start to lose contact with the real world. / So, the other problem. Problem D, ... A: We are miles away from anywhere, B: we are in an iron lung / picture of colloseum in the background. That's all we've got to suggest that we are in Rome. C: We are out ... __ __ half past four in the morning last night, looking for guests, I pointed out. Of course we had a ... we had a couple of glasses / beer / you know, just, uh / situation. And D: it is like a ... it is like a / sauna in here. / Yeah. / Very high in here. / We did something last night I had never done in my life, and I'll never do again. We ate brain. We ate brain. / Problem E ... Problem E : Eggsy ate brain in a restaurant last night. And I ... It's ... I'm not sure how much we should get into this. This is a bit disgusting. / Uh, technically ... / When did you eat brain? __ __ Italian restaurant, the oldest restaurant in Rome, and you ate brain? / It was fantastic. Uh, technically / Was it fantastic? / It was like a mush covered in batter. / It did look like batter-and-mush? / Kind of oily mush, yeah. / What did it taste of? / Uh... can I say the word "bogey" on the radio? Yeah, that kind of ... you know. / No. / OK I won't say it. __ __ __. But it was ... it was pretty nice. / Battered bogey? / Yeah. Essentially it was like a battered bogey. It was not the greatest. / I apologize if you got up __, ladies and gentlemen, enjoying something nicer to eat than battered bogey, but there ... there it is. There it is, __ official from the new food ... BBC Radio Wales ... yet, why did you eat brain? / You know, "When you are in Rome, ..." / You had ... when in Rome ... nice. / Exactly. Eat the brain. /

... Roma. Egzy and I, from a little box in a little studio in Rome. Egssy's got a picture of the colosseum behind him. / I'd like to find out the Italian word for "iron lung", if anyone knows the Italian for "iron lung". / You are obsessed with "iron lung" idea. / inside iron lung / dream inside an iron lung. / It is indeed an ample description. We've, uh... We arrived Italy ... yesterday. You / yesterday? / I got here yesterday morning. I've been on a fact-finding mission. Uh, I ... / what have you found ... ? / find out ... It costs 12 lilas to get into the colosseum, and the queue is ... / Did you go to the coloceum? / I stood in the queue for / minutes / b__ point / walked out. / I bet you wish / bother / now you / you could have pretended / family, you know. / I've just taken a picture of it and posted it on the BBC Wales web site. Hopefully it'll be up there any minute. / So, if you go online, you'll be able to see me from almost the colosseum / be able to see / picture of the coloceum in the background. We are having quite fun time. I must ... I must say we had a horrific ... sort of, / about / cliche / man, taxi like this morning / trap / We got a taxi this morning __ __ __ the man, uh, the taxi driver is driving ... could only be described as absurd. / If / It was shocking. / nearly / decided / really. / It was absurd. / Yeah. Breaking distances were outrageous. / I would say, I mean, I mean, It's a ... at one point, I thought I wonder if he's allowing extra / because it's wet. / I would / I would have said our breaking distance was roughly the size of a ... roughly / breaking distance / biro or snickers, yeah. / snickers away / we were snickers away from the car in front. / We were so close. I could count the driver's front hair on the back of his head. We were that close. / Yeah. / lick / It was outrageous. / It was absurd. / It was ... / I just thought, "Oh, grow up." / At one point I was closed my eyes / this is it. It's over. I literally / It was terrifying. When you / half past four, looking for people to come ... come on the show this morning / keep saying / doing research. we were soaking up so we could bring the atomosphere to you today. And ... and we were looking for a guest / an before you say, "Oh, yeah, rubbish. You just / out socializing / that's not true because Eggsy met an English bloke who may come on later. / If you are the English bloke, turn up. Please. / Yeah, please turn up, English bloke. / just, just, just ... / rugby? Or is he just ... / I think he was, actually. / Great. He sounds perfect. / Exactlly. He's got some sporting knowledge. Uh ... / Is he? / You checked that? Or you are making this up now? / anyone who speaks __ __ more sporting knowledge than me including my / Radio Wales sent you out / I don't know much. / The only reason I came is to / Micheal / steps / seen that / So our cultural experiences so far amounted to a terrifying taxi journey, / yeah, / socializing at half past four in the morning, and you eating brain in a restaurant last / I apologized to, if this ... find that offensive. I find it vaguely offensive. I don't even know why / It was fascinating. / It was brilliant / oldest restaurant in, uh ... in Rome. / Did you see in a news yeterday, back home in Brity, ... / OK. But I was here on a fact-finding mission at the time / go / You were. / go on, yeah / yesterday / dead bird in his sallad. / shocking / or ...? / I'll find it for you at some point. There's a picture of a plate. The guy took a picture of his plate with a dead bird on it. And it ... The incredible thing is that it was, sort of, it was / having a romantic dinner. / OK. / with his partner, yeah. / steak and chips / romantic dinner / there was a sallad with it. / and he plated all up. So there was a steak / started eating, and it was only then that he realized it was a massive dead bird. / sound / like a castrole or something / pretty much a dead castrole on his plate. __ just thought / I would have seen that before I put the chips on the steak. / Shocking. That's horrible. / It's shocking and horrible, it may be, to us, but last night in a restaurant in Rome, people are scoffing that kind of stuff down. / Once you eat brain you don't care what you find in your food. / No. / Hardly anything, Nah.

/

/ I still ...... Eggsy from Goldie Looky Chain / still / That's cool, yeah. Um, John is / You know, John is my first name. My normal name. / Hello John. / Hello. / when you pitched up in Rome last night and introduced yourself / John / Are you moving out with the Eggsy thing / No, no, I like the Eggsy thing / dad calls me / a bit wierd. / Why is it ... why are you called Egssy? / It's a long story that involves a Belgian bloke / got nothing to do / Rome time / half-past one your time, half-past one your time / I can give you a rough / no fans / whatsoever / let's have your long story / Is it a boring story. / It's really boring / something / mentioned on the radio. so I'll do a very short version. / Ah, OK. / A Bergian bloke, a man who couldn't pronounce / J's or G's properly, so / say / Pretty much. / that's a great story / great time / Hoa! Get involved, yeah, come on / Steve / in the afternoon / Go, team. / enjoy / story, mate, that / breakfast team, yeah. / text and emails coming in. "Hi Rhod. I'm friend." he says / Well, ... hey, listen. / I think, I think now / Now you know me as John as well, so not just friend, you know. / Eggsy's entire autobiography / everything / When is your autobiography coming up? / Hopefully, uh, spring. / that'll be / Once you finished that one line / done / entire page, yeah. / Hi Rhod, just tuned in / Eggzy talking / turning into a zombie. / Exactly. Technically I am a zombie now. Technically I am. I eat __ brain. / between you and me / turned into a zombie / think it's more to do with the fact that / drinking / don't / blame on the brain / probably / based on / You can blame it on the bogey. Ho ho! / I like it. I like it. / and that, / anyone's been listening ... all morning, that was quite good / that's it / minute /

/ Do you know what? There's whole trip, so far, / a bit traumatic, if I'm honest. / It's, it's ... I've enjoyed it. But it has / things happen to me, ... always behind my eyes. / close my eyes / there. Just there. / my trauma / yeah yeah yeah. / firstly, go in backwords order. In reverse order. There was a car __ this morning / taxi driver frankly, ... the driving ... Rome is absurd. / Yeah. / It is absurd. It was poring rain, wet conditions. He was ... he was driving you couldn't go reasonable / car in front / it was absurd. I was just thinking we are going to die in this car. / end of days / I think a little bit weak / it was terrifying / It's true / that was traumatic. Last night we had ... brain and things like that. That was traumatic. / pretty heavy / before I even / got you / traumatic, let me tell you about ... uh ... I was supposed to fly out on Thursday / Right. Yes. / fly here on Thursday. On Thursday, I got a call from my mate Ed, / OK / who had booked train tickets and flights and connecting things into Rome, / Ed was / keep / tour manager here / Ed was a tour manager, and hotels. / OK. So that's good. He's done it all? / On Thursday the 21 of February, in the morning, I get a call from Ed, saying "Oh dear. I just noticed that the trains, the flights, the connecting / are all booked for / 21st of March. / Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. / A month out. Uh ... non-transferrable, non-refundable. / So that's it? Game-over? / Game-over, right. So then I thought, "Right. I will ... I'll get in my car, and I will drive around / while my agent Bressa, ... back in / in London / She tries to find me a flight, I'm driving round with her / around the M25 / Go to Bristol. Go to Bristol. / flight / half past five. / She / ring up / turn round, turn round, forget Bristol. There's no tickets left. There's no seats available / she said / towards / available / desparately. I was driving, and in the end, I couldn't get any flights. Not for that day. ... She booked me one on the next day. So came on. Gave up. Right? / So, that day / lost / 800 pounds at this poit / That's fun. That's always fun losing 800 quid. / losing / coming out here to do this radio show / point out ladies and gentlemen / considerably more than / I get paid / this radio show / considerable loss. / Brilliant. / still got to book / trains / hotels and everything else for the next day. / Wonderful. / Right. / home. While I was driving around, while I was driving around on this ... on this frantic flight search on Thursday, I happened to listen to Jeremy Vine on Radio 2. / Oh / Right? / he was / if you make online payment to somebody, / OK. / to somebody's bank account / OK, right. / from / give you money, you give me your ... code / and your account number and your name / John slash Eggsy / John slash Eggsy, yeah. / Right? And I would put that. If I got one digit wrong / your account number / money goes to somebody e / You can't get it back? / relying the good will / return it ... I'm not supposed to have it / to the rightful owner. / within their right / keep if they want / Hey, listen. This isn't Radio 2. I'm not Jeremy Wright. This is not Fact. This is just what I, sort of, picked up. But you'll appreciate it. I was / Geremy / appreciate / stressed / Heathrow, Right? I was all over the place. I'm just green for the Radio 2 phone-in. __ the Radio 2 phone-in was essentially about getting one digit wrong on an account number when you make / You could lose a house over this. / Well, I remember thinking "Hah, I've never done that in my 44 years on this planet, / OK. / twen ... I / probably got 26 years of solid banking. / Yeah. No mistakes / I wouldn't say no mistakes but never that one. / OK. / Never that one. / transaction ... gone through / Yeah. / transferred money all over the place. Never made that mistake. / day / lost my, uh, 800 quid / which is obviously fun / surveyer / 900 pounds / OK. Nothing better / quid / Right. All good so far. / Yeah. / I'm checking his text to me where he's given me the account number / And I thought, / I went online / logged into / halfway through the process of paying him 900 pounds, and I just thought / just because / text / right details, just because ... / just, you know, it was echoing in my mind / corners of my mind / one number wrong ... one number wrong ... / just check. So I texted him, saying "Are you sure the number is right? / just about to / the money / He didn't reply me immediately. And I thought / time out online / log in again. Can't be bothered with all that. / Pain. / So just do it / press SEND / money / 900 pounds / bleep bleep, bleep bleep. Oh, I've got / text / back / lucky / sausage fingers yeah? Put a wrong number down. / So that's it? It's gone? / one digit out / a "nought" instead of "one" in the middle of the account number so I sent nine hundred quid to somebody for the wrong account number / 24 years of solid banking. / is laughing. / And someone out there has got 900 quid of mine that doesn't belong to him / thinking "Why has Rhod Gilbert / I bet you they don't give it back / give it back / Such is my cinisism. My lack of / you know you shouldn't have it / because / expecting / can't even tell yourself / generous, maybe, such a __ study __ dishing money out / Whoever you are, you've got to ... You know who you are. / So then I went / paid / So, on Thursday, I'm roughly / 700 pounds down / Great times! Golden momory! / And now I find myself / windowless box, with you / nothing about rugby, miles away from / picture of coloseum behind / It does get better than this. I'll tell you what. I'm eating brain / and I'm almost certainly facing death in a taxi / taxi / tell you what / luckily I'm not the one to __ /

We've had some news / iron lung / in Italian / Egssy has been describing / room as an iron lung / not a bad description / it is a small windowless box that was opressively hot for the first half an hour of the show / it is now opressively cold. / It's very much like something Steve MacQueen movie, put in / punished in a war film / cooler / like the cooler / We do need a baseball to throw against the wall. "Rhod," uh, / now then, now then / let me / The Italian for "Iron lung" is "ferro polmone" / Ferro polmone? / Si. I could probably have told you that, you know / French / Spanish / probably have come up with something like that / again? / according to Google Translate. I don't know where that's from / anonymous / smily face / somebody texted in about your brain. ... If you've just joined us, we are in Rome and, on the menu last night, / one of which was battered brain. / It was great. / actually / laughing in the background / MacDonald from, uh, from ... come over for the ... uh ... rugby. You / last night, chaps? / That was a lovely meal. / Did you / battered brain / look at that! / look at that! I'll tell you what. Who says we are not bringing you / flavour of Rome / brain with fried artichorks. / OK, so. / Do you know what? I ate a bit. / You had an artichoke bit, didn't you? / Yeah. Well, / you passed it around, and / you said / bit of artichoke / brain with artichork / pretty sure that was artichok. But I didn't realize / that / definitely / bit / When I saw "Brain" on the menu, I thought / full-sized brain / onions in front of / I actually / Were you genuinely expecting / full sized brain with two pickled onions / I think that would have freaked me out a bit / whole / brain / Not me. / I'd still give it a go. / or no artichork at all. Uh, ... Are you sure you __ there for the rugby?" says Chris. / Have you got / joke about jobs in the vatican, we have to be very careful with this, Eggsy. / everyone / It's a sensitive subject. / It's a sensitivve-sensitive / It's hyper-sensitive / go further than that / very very ... what / hyper? Ultra? / It's ultra. We are playing with fire here. / Listen. This is / somebody ... somebody / you know / This is a certain firing. But I'm gonna go ahead anyway. / OK. / Outside the ... in this little windowless room in Rome that we are in / use / they've loaned to BBC Radio Wales / outside of this room, there are shelves, with stuff on. You know, just admin stuff, sort of files / canteen, some of / equipments / make the tea, ... that kinda thing. / And this is a real insight / next to all the things, the general admin stuff, there are boxes. And, on the boxes, one of them says "Pope's Last Days". / That's that all about? / half a dosen boxes / Yeah, roughly half a dosen, yeah. / On the boxes, one of them says / about / "Pope's Last Days" / This is not a laughing matter, not necessarily / incredible / a post-apocaliptic scinario. There are boxes out there presumably, I can only assume with tapes on that the radio station here would put on in the event ... / Yeah / emergency backup oxigen / what __ around those tapes / no idea / gonna / I know / a little bit of me / really want / stick them on. /

/ I just remembered something last night / broadcastable? / Yeah, it is. / fine / we got a taxi / slightly different. We got a taxi last night with a magical seat in the middle. Do you remember that, in the middle / that was a good taxi experience. / I'll tell you what / This may not sound like a very interesting story, ladies and gentlemen. / to me / But it was a taxi / magical seat / mean / strap yourselves in / five / six seats. / It was crazy. / live in the dream / had to be really careful / seat / be really careful / gear stick / caused a lot of, ... uh, ... / your eyes' been grazed / since you sat / Yeah, that's not just ... last night / your eyes / I thought / sat on the gear stick / other things to blame / intrusive gear stick. / what else we got. Uh, "Dear Rhod, I've been to Rome twice / brain mate. / twice. Both times / Italy versus England matches but I / All right. Up to you. "I've never / battered brain on the menu / to be honest. / do you think that means A: that you went a different restaurant, Or B: ... ... doesn't exist? / by now I think you / probably realize / A: / different / another one of your rather boring emails, ... if I may say so. Uh ... "Hello Rhod and guests." Jack D from Belgium here. / OK / letter "D", by the way / Not the Jack Dee, the comedian. / Jack / long time podcast listener, first time emailer. This / show live today. Would you please / opportunity to solve the mistery that has been haunting / honest / solve the mystery that has been haunting me for ages now? / paved / another question / That's another big question / solve the mystery / while he's there, please ask your former roommate whatever happened to the 400 m of / swimming pool rope / university days / Well, well it's funny you should say that, Jack D Belgian. / because / what a peculiar memory you have. I think years ago on this show, I was talking about / said that / lived with back in those days in the 1980's / went / ended up buying / about 400 meters swim pool rope that ... Steve MacDonald is here with us, and he can testify / velocity and aucenticity of that story / bring us up-to-date on the swimming-rope business / It was, I think / a bargain / how much did we pay for that? / wok was 4 pounds / pushed the / are you still using / I'm still using the wok. / we bought a wok / as student in 198... 1990 / 23 years ago, as student / 17th February, actually if I ... / the rest is true / 4 pounds,

but I can tell you now that I'm still using that wok on a daily ... that's not true ... weekly basis. I use once a week, tops. / is still used. / That's amazing / I couldn't / I don't know why / every morning. / You / swimming pool rope / what happened to these swimming ropes / Well, that's actually why I ... to Spain. / just to find / Why did you buy all that swimming pool ... / rope / orange. / OK. That's the best of colors, yeah. / But, we went to an auction / bid / and bought / rope that separates swimming room lanes / In case / does enjoy a swim / still doesn't explain why / backfired at me slightly because / buy polystirine floats / a bit financially / maximum / move it on / you know, / answering your question, Jack D, by the way. You didn't expect / such a long discussion about / late-teens ... 20 year-old student to buy / did it / sat / floor of our lounge / entire / in a big coil. / What happened / didn't / big enough / separate the room into lanes. / presume / first / didn't we for a while / did we? / I don't remember / I never even / plug / goblin / Swan. / OK. / It was white / remember / what color it was / orange / These were happy days. These were happy days. / Beautiful gold memories / lifetime / And our friend Rechard Weeks / bought a / alarm clock / one of those / time flips over. / pre-digital, but digital. So / Except, it wasn't functioning. So, over the course of the year ... Do you remember? / OK. / So, over the course of the year, ... Do you remember, / do you remember / whole year / ever worked / bargain / It was a labor of love / still got features to do / do you wanna do / features / let me tell you first / I told you about ..... ..... That's where we are ...... / loser / Sounds like a lot of fun. / Right. The next one is, uh ... / Tagria / like the sound / already. OK. / loosely / television / Yeah. / OK. / size of / find somebody in Rome / long thin pasta strip / watch / could do that. All we could do / anti-pasti tax / It sounds good. / find someone / coherent argument why / should not / pastries. / spagetti western / have to find / that's quite good one. / doable in ten minutes. / why / Naples / this is / host a trivia quiz. / OK. / up for doing that / Florence / with a sawing machine / find somebody called Florence / photo with a sawing machine, and you have to stay there until they fully appreciate / trouble / find someone called Joe, get him eat all the Italian desert ... ... of the menu, all the dolche, / bottle of / This sounds good / find somebody with a face lift / guest / liability / various Italian goods and services / OK, not bad, not bad. / Finally, this is quite a nice one. / OK. / quite doable. / nice one / nice one / It's a Capuccino Capccinious. So you have to go into a coffee bar / order a capccino / yes / And then go "No". / come back / yes / ages goes on / as long as / spin / winner is / the longest / just have to / back / actually I will have it. No, Forget it. Don't wanna it / Do you now what? I will have it. / could go on and on / winner / They are all strong, Rhod. They are all really strong. / I still think / tiramisu / gonna be the winner / I got a feeling / covered / way / headed inevitably. / / If you enjoyed that why don't you listen to the whole show: Rhod Gilbert live on Saturday mornings, BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1.

If you enjoyed that one, why don't you listen to the whole show? Rhod Gilbert / Saturday / BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1.